Category: About Adoption

Words that adoptive parents live by are bonding, attachment and trust.  I was reading a handbook that is given to older orphans in China to explain what is happening.  The first section has several statements defining adoption for the child.  There are statements with pictures. The one I like the most is, “adoption means unconditional love and support.” 

 

Bonding is about the parent’s feelings for and sense of connection with their child. While attachment is about the emotional bond that typically forms between a child and parent/caregiver. This emotional bond stimulates brain growth and affects personality development. It is also important in the development of the lifelong ability to form and maintain stable relationships (http://www.handinhandinternationaladoptions.org/parent-tips-bonding-and-attachment/).

Because we adopted our children when they were all under the age of two, initial attachment activities focused on the primal activities. These activities are the regular activities around feeding, sleeping, playing with toys, safety and compassion. They were dependent on us for this.  This is what formed their attachment with us.  However, to be clear, they will alway be manging some concious and sub-sonciousenedd with attachment and relationships.

But what about bonding and attachment with someone who is no longer solely dependent on a parent for the primal needs?  A 12 year-old has some memory or recognition of his or her trauma. How do they form that attachment and trust with their new family? Luckily there is a lot of support groups and resources for this topic.

There is the initial bonding and attachment when, in this case, traveling to China and the first few weeks at home. Adoptive family typically spends 17 to 21 days in China. The majority of the time the parents will be with their child.  What do you do? A few ideas in helping with attachment through this period include:

• Sightseeing
• Playing Uno or other games
• Swimming
• Eating (this may be the sub-plot to this whole blog)
• Painting fingernails/toenails or rubbing lotion on hands and feet.
• Singing and dancing

One other note is that parents should take as much time from work once coming back to the stated.  Form some sort of routine.  Have a calendar of activities and talk about the daily activities or schedule each morning.

In the past few days we have felt a lot more bonded to Jacob.  He has become comfortable with us and us with him. This was demonstrated today by Jacob making breakfast and lunch for Michelle.  He is being more present with us and others.

Each child will handle the transition and their ebbing and flowing emotions as they continuously attempt to reconcile their identity differently.  In most cases that reconciliation will not be possible.  As parents our job is to be the foundation that supports their lifelong journey. We will love them when they act out.  We will give a shoulder to place their head to cry. We will give them safe outlets to explore their emotions to find their identity as they grow from children, to teenagers to adults. And we will have behold the unconditional love for our child.

This one of the hard discussion points when finding Jacob a forever family.  His new family will behold that love to bond, attach and grow. That is what we are searching for on his behalf.

Some Interesting links:

http://www.handinhandinternationaladoptions.org/parent-tips-bonding-and-attachment/

https://www.gwca.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Parenting-ChildhoodDev-Guide.pdf

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/secure-attachment/what-is-secure-attachment-and-bonding.htm

http://www.haguetrainingonline.org/courseshow.php?courseid=57

There are many questions about the adoption process. Once such question relates to the parameter for eligibility of potential patents. There are a lot of misassumptions about eligibility requirements. I will provide some of our insight into the eligibility requirements., however, we encourage you to validate this information with the experts at Great Wall China Adoption by calling 512-323-9595 or via http://www.gwca.org/contact-us/.

I admit the eligibility requirements may sound daunting at first, but take a moment read through them and I bet if you are reading this, that you or someone you know is eligible to adopt. Please note, if your family falls outside of these parameters and you are interested in adopting from China please contact the GWCA Waiting Child Team (http://www.gwca.org/contact-us/) to see if they can find a way to work with your family.

• You do not have to be married to adopt.
• Married couples/singles must be at least 30 years old.
• For married couples, there must be no more than a 50 year age difference between the youngest parent and the adopted child. For single applicants, there must be no more than a 45 year age difference between the adoptive parent and the child.   For example, Jacob is 12 years old, so potential adoptive parents must be younger than 62 years old.
• Each potential adoptive parent(s) must have at least a high school diploma or the equivalent.
• Couples must show a positive net worth (assets vs. liabilities) of at least $80,000. Singles must show a positive net worth of $100,000.
• Adoptive families must have an annual income of at least $10,000/person in the household, including the adopted child. For example, a married couple with two children living in the home must earn at least $50,000.
• Families are not eligible to adopt if any of the following health issues apply:
  • Current diagnosis of major depression/anxiety; consult GWCA for more information.
  • Diagnosed with alcoholism within the last 10 years or any history of illegal drug/narcotic use or abuse.
  • Major organ transplant/surgery within 10 years
  • Any previous history/diagnosis of cancer. However, if the other spouse is and the other’s medical condition does not inhibit their ability to parent a family, the family may be eligible to adopt a waiting child. Please consult GWCA for more information.
  • BMI must be less than 40. An example: 45 year-old women who is 5’7’’ weighing 250 pounds has a BMI of 39. You can use this BMI Calculator.
• Families are not eligible to adopt if any of the following apply:
  • Current warrants or currently on probation
  • Any use of/arrests for illegal drugs; any felony arrests
  • DUI or DWI charges within the last 5 years, regardless of outcome
  • Any arrest for a violent crime (examples: assault, domestic violence, child abuse/neglect)
• Couples must be married at least two years at the time their dossier is submitted to China (first marriage). If either spouse has one or two divorces, the current marriage needs to be a minimum of five years.
• Families with religious beliefs prohibiting any kind of medical treatment will not be eligible to adopt.
• One parent must be a US citizen.

GWCA has an on-line tool to check against elegibility requirements at http://www.gwca.org/eligibility-check/. Keep in mind that for some eligibility concerns, GWCA may advocate on families’ behalf to help them adopt. 

These parameters are in place for the welfare of the child. Agencies like GWCA are looking to place children in stable, safe environments where the family (married or single) structure will support the child’s bonding, attachment and trust. The eligibility requirements to adopt from China are not GWCA’s, they’re actually China’s requirements that they’ve put forth for families who want to adopt from their country.

If you have questions about eligibility or questions about the process you would like to see addressed on this blog, please let us know.