Wahe's World

8 Days Home

Michelle Here.

Wow!   I can’t believe we’ve had Michael for over a week already.

Things are continuing to go well.    He’s adjusting well.    He is finding comfort in us,  and that makes us feel really, really good!     He’s still transitioning into his new life, but all things considered, he’s an amazing little boy.

Alex is settling into his new role and his new brother.    There were a few days that were challenging for all of us, and each day is getting better.   The challenging days started a few days after we got home.    I think Alex realized the honeymoon was over, and little brother turned from a Novelty into an Imposter.    We’ve been spending a fair amount of one-on-one time with him, and I think that’s making a difference.     We also have institutued what I call the  “Positive Parenting” method   (we also tried the “Rule Enforcement” and “Referee” methods of parenting, and I bet you can guess how far that got us).    We are catching him doing things right, and not wrong.    He’s taking well to the positive reinforcement.     Any little thing we see him doing in a positive way, we are reinforcing with lots of praise.    I think after awhile, it will become second nature, and we can lay off on the constant reinforcing, and bring it down to a normal level.    He does have his moments of pushing our buttons, and pushing his boundaries, but they have become fewer and fewer.     We’ll see how it goes when Stefan goes back to work, and I’m playing 1-on-2 defense.

Michael’s personality is really showing.   He is walking around the house, exploring, and playing with all the toys.    He’ll break out in a belly laugh often.    He often smiles, looks up at us, and starts to giggle.    He loves music and will do  a toddler form of break-dancing to just about any type of music.

Here’s a side note to parents who are expecting their travel call and going to Korea:   Michael had/has stranger anxiety.    We met with him 4 times (2 times for our first trip in April, and 2 times when we got our TC).    He never really warmed up to us.   We had to be really, really sneaky the one time I got to hold him.    He did a lot of crying, and was very anxious.    With this said, before we got him forever, I thought his transition into our home would be tough.   I thought he’d have a hard time accepting us as his parents, because he was so, so attached to his foster mother, and we were these scary strangers.     Well, I was totally wrong!!!    He cried hard for about 2 hours when we first got him.    After that, he snuggled into both of us, and went along for the ride.    He was sad, and he’s still transitioning, but he is very, very attached to us.    He still snuggles, and is most relaxed in our arms.    He looks deeply into our eyes, and studies us intently.    He looks to us when he laughs.     He won’t let at least one of us get too far away from him.      I think some of this is due to his personality, and we, as parents, are a little more relaxed than when we brought Alex home.    Stefan and I also think that Michael really DID know what was happening before it actually happened.    We’re also still “cocooning” ourselves, which is helping to establish a routine.    The two adults in the house are going a little stir crazy staying home so much, but Michael is doing well with it!

Here are some photos from Days 4 and 5.    We haven’t taken any photos of days 6 and beyond….oops.

Making sure the baby gate is doing it's job.

He's finding the benefit of having a big brother---stealing big brother's toys! Golf clubs are very fun to play with--especially when you're too "young" to be walking around with a stick in your hands!

My 3 boys

Smilin for the camera.  Also--notice the lack of end tables--something that went away when Alex came home, and probably won't re-appear for another few years.

He does a very cute thing---he smacks his lips together, and laughs. Of course, I have to follow, and it turns into a giggle-fest.

3 Days Home

Michelle Here.      Things  are going very well.

Michael is adjusting to his new home, and is parents and brother amazingly well.

Here are a few things that he has done:

He still finds comfort in our holding him, and settles right into our arms.    He bonding with both Stefan and me,  and that is such a relief for us.    When one of us needs a break or gets tired, we can easily pass him between one another.

He gets anxious when we put him down, or take him out of our arms, although the duration of anxiousness is getting less and less.   He still has these periods of sadness, where we can see it in his eyes.

Starting yesterday, he has been smiling more and more.   He is starting to babble as well.    He also has been venturing out of our arms when we sit on the floor and play with him and his toys.

He loves music.    Today, I turned on a Kindermusik CD, and he immediately started smiling, and bouncing up and down.    He walked about 6 feet away from me too, which is the furthest he’s walked away so far.

Alex has now realized this reality of having a new brother, and that his mommy and daddy now divide their attention.    A few times, he’s acted in a way that we see he’s not too happy about this new situation.    Although, overall, he’s been amazingly adjusted.    I think it helped that for the last 6 months, we talked to Alex constantly about Michael, and helped him imagine what would be going on once Michael arrived, and how he fit into that.     We’ve given him “jobs” in taking care of Michael, and gave him a lot of positive reinforcement when he’s been doing something we want him to do.

Michael is walking!!    He’s at the stage now where he walks around like a drunken sailor, but he’ll be running after his brother in no time at all.

We are starting to see Michael’s  true personality.    He’s very alert, and watches us, Alex, and his overall surroundings constantly.    He is smiling much more, and we have gotten giggles from his as well.

He sleeps like a champ.    I really can’t believe it.    It’s amazing, with his adjustment to his new home, and with the time zone change how well he’s doing.    He sleeps thru the night, with one wake up for about an hour!    He’s been taking a good afternoon nap as well.     He doesn’t need a lot of comforting when putting him down to sleep either.     We lay him in his crib (we have taken one side of the crib off, and have a twin bed butted right against the crib), lay down next to him, pat his back, and he’s usually out in about 2-3 minutes.

Here are some of photos from the last 2 days!

First bath with Big Brother.

So happy to see a smile!

Photos!

Here are some photos from our trip, and our first few hours home. When I look at Michael, he looks so sad….and he is. As we have expected, he will transition into his new home gradually. Alex helped coax a few smiles from Michael today.  They are currently playing on the floor together. We are having fun watching them interact.

Update as of Thursday afternoon:    Michael started smiling, laughing, and following his brother around the living room!   Yeah!    Alex is a great ice breaker to Michael’s adjustment.

Here are photos!     Sorry they are in random order, but these are photos of our first 2 days together.

We had the privilege to travel with another Adoptive Family. Our hotel rooms were close to each other. This pic was taken about an hour after we both rec'd our boys.

Holding on tight. Our first hour together.

Sleeping on the airplane

Ready for the airplane to take off

Taken in the hotel lobby, ready to head to the airport.

During our first nap together, M. held onto me the entire time while in the Ergo.

Alex showing his love for his little brother.

Our first few hours home.

Having lunch with my boys.

On the airplane--playing with our little guys.

We’re Home!

Michelle here.

Whew!

And boy, it feels good to be home!

It’s now 9:30 am the day after we arrived in Chicago.    Our flight went really well, all things considered.    Michael is a very brave little boy.

He slept about 8 hours total of the flight (!!).   The time he was awake, he sat in our laps and looked around at everybody.    Thank the Lord.   We (ok, I) was very concerned about his stranger anxiety, and how he would take the flight.     I think the key was that he did overcome his anxiety toward US soon after we got him forever.    He now is finding comfort in our embrace, when facing all the new things around him.

When we got home, we introduced him to his new big brother.    He was very curious about Alex the entire time, and watched, and watched him.    Alex is doing amazingly well in his new role, and right now, is taking on more of a nurturing role.    He takes Michael a kleenex when his nose runs, shares (!!) his toys to occupy him, and gives him food…..many times without us asking him.     We’ll see how this all plays out, but things are good now!

Last night, he went to bed at 10 pm, slept until about 2 am, was up for an hour, and is still asleep!!!!!!!    Wow!    We are wondering if he’s taking all these changes in by sleeping…..time will tell.

We’ll update photos soon!

3 more hours till we leave for the Airport

Michelle Here.

Our night went very, very well.   Michael fell asleep at 9 am, and is still sleeping at 5 pm.    More than we ever would have anticipated!

He is starting to feel safe and secure with us, and that is helping his stranger anxiety immensely.    He wants to cuddle in on our lap at all times, and he’s taking to both of us equally.      He’s looking to us for support and security.     After his nap yesterday, he did not cry (which we thought he would, waking up to these two funny looking people in a hotel room).     Instead, he sat on our lap and looked around the room.     He, at first, was not interested in toys or food.   Just looking around.   He was taking it all in.    He would look at us, study our faces, and then look away.    If he wimpered, we would distract him with treats or a toy.   But the main thing he did was sit in our lap and look.     He went to sleep for the night easily, and is now just stirring at 5 am.

We head to the airport in a few hours.   We’ll be seated right next to our friends with their new kiddo, the Hoopers.    We are both finding that comforting.    The four of us have had an amazing  journey together, sharing our emotions, sharing our excitement, sharing our anxiousness.    We are blessed, and look forward to a lifelong friendship, and special bond.

So here’s the Korea—Stefan and I have come to love this country.   We’re feeling meloncholly, not only because we are taking Michael out of  HIS country we’ve fallen in love with…..but that WE will not be back for awhile.     We will definately bring the boys back, but not for some years.     Good Bye Korea.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me two absolutely beautiful, precious sons.   Thank you.

Now there are Four Wahe’s

Michael is now in our arms forever.  The transition is going well at this point. Michael took a 2.5 hour nap hanging out in his Ergo on Mom’s back.  He is now playing and snacking. We know he misses his foster mother but he is being a brave little boy and trusting us.  He is already telling us the things he needs. He did get to play today with his seat-mate on tomorrows plane trip home. We are ready to come home and excited to be a family of four!

Mommy and Michael

Daddy and Michael

Meeting Michael #2

Well lets get to the skinny.  Monday at 6:00 AM Madison time (4 PM Seoul Time) we got to visit with Michael for the second time on this trip.  Tomorrow we get Michael forever. The meeting went well and again we can never say enough good thing about the foster mothers who take care of these children.

Michael of course was enamored with the bananas and Gerber puffs we kept offering him. We sang to him and played with a car.  He spent a lot of time checking Michelle and I over. He looked into our eyes and then to our hands for more puffs.  I really feel in my heart that he has an understanding of the transition he is about to make.  However, that doesn’t make the transition any easier. When we asked his foster mother advice for the plane ride home she said to do what we were doing, give him food, pat him and sing to him. Being second time adoptive parents one would think we have this down.  However, we know that the transition will not be any easier then before.  We just know what some of the things to expect.

We burned the time before the meeting by hiking up a mountain to visit a Shamanst Temple.  When we got towards the top we were told that the temple was closed for a holiday.  But at this point we had an awesome panorama of Seoul. We got to walk along one of the old walls that used to protect Seoul. It was a great hike and walk back to the hotel. Along the walk back we found a store front that sold walnut cakes.  This is a special treat that Alex’s birth city is known for.  I think all the walking burned some of that energy and aloud us to be prepared for  Michaels meeting.

Tonight after our meeting we had a fancy dinner with our fellow adopting parents.  It is so nice to have had two other couples with in Korea.  Being able to explore Korea with them and share our journeys has made this an even more eventful experience. We truly have enjoyed our time with Kristin and Nick and Kelly and Jon.  In the blogosphere of adoptive parents it is great to meet the personalities and collect their various perspectives during this trip.  We thank them for being willing to share their adventure with us.

Tomorrow the love we share we grow wider as we embrace Michael into our arms.

A Seoul Update

It has been a couple of days since we posted.  We have been on the go the last two days and as I write this my eyelids grow heavy.

I am actually going to cheat and direct you to a friend’s website. She did an excellent job writing about our activities from Saturday. You will see pictures and read about out Seoul Food Tour, cheering at the Doosan Bears baseball game and cheering for South Korea to score at the big World Cup gathering we attended with a few of our cloest million friends.  We thank Kelly and Jon for taking the time to post such great pictures and telling some great stores.  Please click here to read all about it: http://jonandkellyplusone.blogspot.com/.

I do want to take a moment and encourage you to try a traditional Korean meal.  If you are into the art of celebrating family with food, take some time to learn about the importance of food within the Korean culture.  In general, if you have a Korean restaurant near you (like K-Peppers in Middleton, WI) take time to have a meal of Bibimbap or Bulgogi.  Take the time to sample the side dishes that come with the meal.  These include the traditional Kimchi, radish and many other examples, of sweet, spicy, refreshing or crunchy textures. A picture may look something like …

and after your meal you, your friends and family may look something like …

We do want to thank Daniel Grey of http://www.seouleats.com/ who gave us a great tour of Seoul Food.  We now have an even greater appreciation for Korean food. Thank Dan and his team of Edwin and Ara.

We are glad that we took in the festivities of downtown Seoul during South Korea’s World Cub match.  Too bad they couldn’t have pulled out the victory.  It was a great atmosphere to be be part of even with those rain drops falling.

After not getting back to the hotel until after midnight we thought we would be able to sleep in and take a nice relaxing day.  However, we each started waking up around 4:00 and never really fell back to a deep sleep.  We decided to take the city bus tour.  We stopped at the Korean War Memorial museum. They really did a great job of presenting the chronology of event that lead up to and through the war.  Michelle did tax my memory on world history and the rise of the cold war battles between the USA and USSR.  I’ll have my Dad quiz her when we get back to see how good of a teacher I was.

We are now calling it a night.  We really miss Alex a lot.  He is in great hands with Grandma and Grandpa.  But it doesn’t make up for missing his energy, his laughter and his love.

Tomorrow (Monday I believe) afternoon we will have our second meeting with Michael.  Tonight we planned for what we want out of the meeting.  The plan really comes down to what does Michael want from us. We are looking forward to being with him tomorrow.  Then one more day until he is in our arms forever.