Wahe's World

Waiting is the hardest part …..

One would think by the third adoption I would be used to waiting.  Hurry up, complete paperwork and wait. Receive more paper work, complete it and wait. Go to a meeting, get instructions for the next step and wait.  However, here we sit.  We are less then 48 hours from leaving and that clock can not tick quick enough.  Work has kept me busy.  But I think my colleagues will be glad to see me off for the next several week.   To be honest I am ready too.  I am ready to do my David Puddy impersonation (from Seinfield) on the airplane and sit and stare at the seat infront of me for a few hours.  Get a chance to have my mind wander through it’s tangled webs. On the other hand I know I will be too excited.  What will we see in China?  How will we be welcomed? What is the Hope Healing Home like (Max’s orphanage)?  Will we get tired of staying in the same hotel for seven nights? No matter the answers to these questions; no matter how much or little rest I get on the 14 hour plane ride; no matter how much I meditate,  I know the plane ride back will be the last step to completing out family of five. Waiting? Ya, I can do that!

Our Itinerary

Michelle here.       Here is our itinerary.     We’ll be in 3 cities over the course of our 16 day trip.

April 11:   Fly out of Chicago, nonstop to Beijing.

April 12:    Arrive in Beijing at 2:40 pm, local time.

April 13:    Tour New Hope Healing Home.   This is the foster home where Max has lived.   We are looking forward to meeting his caretakers, meeting the founders, and having the opportunity to say ‘thank you’ for the profound, life saving work they do.    Unfortunately, Max has recently been transferred back to his home province.   This breaks my heart, but that’s for another blog post.   This is normal, but it still makes my heart hurt.

April 14:    flying to Max’s home province of Anhui.

April 15:   GOTCHA DAY!     We will meet, and take custody of Max !   Yahoo!

April 16-18:    Do a combo of meeting at government offices, to process Chinese paperwork, and tour.  Most importantly, support Max in his transition, and live in the moment.

April 19:      Receive Max’s Chinese passport, and fly to Guangzhou.

April 20-25:   Do a combo of meeting at government offices to process the US side of things.      The process includes a required medical exam, and processing his visa to be allowed to enter the US.

April 26:       Fly out of Guangzhou, to Beijing.    Then hop on a nonstop plane to Chicago.    When those airplane wheels touch US soil, Max will be  a US citizen!     Arrive in Chicago at 4 pm on April 26.

One funny story in all this:    Ever since the first meeting, when we were considering adopting from China (this was back in 2006), all staff said that there were blackout dates for travel.   These blackout dates are during a large trade show in Guangzhou.    Well, that trade show IS going on  when we are there.    So, there was the policy that we could not travel at that time, and would have to wait until after the show.    Wait!    You know, once that travel call comes, that’s not in our vocabulary!   BUT…….here’s the caviat:    I have attended  this Guangzhou show twice.    When I had my business full time, I went to this show to make factory contacts.   This has proved to be the thing that our agency has said OK for us to travel.    I assured our agency rep that we would be fine.    I convinced her that since I navigated this already,  we could handle being in the city during the show.   So, we are.

It’s All About Perspective

Stefan here.

I was chatting with a friend yesterday. He asked if I was excited about the trip to China to bring Max to his new home.  My friend seemed confused when I didn’t respond with an immediate, profound, “Yes!” Instead I spent a moment to self-reflect before I answered.

Of course I am excited. When we traveled for Alex, our first son, I was excited, anxious and scared.  I assume that no matter how a family is formed, this is a natural feeling for a first time parent. However, Alex could smell my hesitation and did not like it.  He acted out in fear and frustration as we bonded.

With our second son, Michael, I was at the other end of the spectrum.   I thought about how to act, what to say and even how to breath.  I was calm, patient and trusting.  Probably to a fault. As he slept and slept, I missed how this was the subtlety of his initial grieving process.

Like most of my relations, we tend to over think just about everything. Hence the moment of pause before I responded to the question about being excited.  To be honest, I have not over-thought this adoption (well maybe before the actual, yes we should bring a third child into our family).  I know with a special needs child, there will be different the types of challenges then the previous two journeys. But there will also be the same type of chalenges.  In either case, it is about the perspective.  In the five years of keeping this blog I have grown from an over-excited first time parent, to a calm, cool, collected soon-to-be-Dad of three.  I have become more comfortable and confident in being a Dad.  I have a good understanding of balancing my priorities and I am ready to head out that door (largely because Michelle has planned and organized almost everything) later this upcoming week.

With Alex he reflected my excitement, fear and angst. With Michael, he reflected the calm and trust. With Max … well we will have to wait and see.  I just know if Michelle and I have taken this little guy from:

to this …

Alex recreating his photo from September 22, 2008.

Max will have a great life being part of Wahe’s World! And I know that is the best perspective to have.

What I Learned This Easter

Stefan here.

Over the years Easters have come and gone for me.  It was usually a quick visit with family. Finding some eggs and eating a  ham dinner. And then hitting the road to go back home.  Some years a Church service may have been thrown into the mix. This Easter we did something different.  Michelle, Alex, Michael and I stayed home.  We didn’t have our family come visit.  We decided to just to enjoy our family of four before Max comes to his new home. What was odd was the lesson I learned today.

First a little background ….  Michelle and I had been “shopping” for a church for several years.  It really started when we first were married.  We knew it was something we should do.  Where as neither of us practiced with a religious congregation,  we both knew the importance of spirituality, reflection and faith. When Alex and Michael joined us, our Mothers motivated us to have the boys baptized.  We just had to figure out the right fit for our family. We attended a few services at churches of various Christian denominations.  We found it was not the denomination that was important to us, it was the quality of the church leaders of who made up the congregation. What we found was New Life Church.  They welcomed us with open arms and they continue to engage us in a way that has grown our faith over the past two years.  They baptized Alex and Michael where my sister and brother-in-law represented us as their godparents. They have given us the support to go down the path to bring Max home, and they continue to teach us in new ways.

So what did I learn today?  It is not about asking God to do something for me, but witnessing how God works through me and through others. This is something I already knew, but not something I have directly correlated to God. It really comes to the point of how we are able to empower each other. Be it a grand gesture or a simple courteous act.  Though our adoption journeys we have received gifts from family, friends and complete strangers.   These gifts have ranged from a very simple gesture to something profound, that left us in awe and humbled.     These are the people that I reflect on, and who I have been empowered to be a great father.

Max’s journey has come to us through the China Special Needs program. Max has a whole cadre of people I am thankful  People who did not have to help. But they did. Love Without Boundaries sponsored Max’s corrective surgery, and literally saved his life. The New Hope Foundation provided Max with a home and care while he recovered and where we waited for us to find him. The Great Wall China Adoption spent the time to answer our questions and clear the path for our journey. Our parents and extended family offered unconditional support as we surprised them with the news that we still had room in our hearts to grow our family. My co-workers have provided their support by reminding me what is truly important and taking care of the workload as I set off.  There are our many friends from our previous adoption journeys who have offered advice as well as hand-me-downs. Our long-time friends have continuously but respectively offered their kind words and thoughts.   And of course our new friends from New Life Church have offered their kindess as well.  Every act does not have to be about giving something material. A kind word of encouragement and a hand on my should is empowering me just as much as the the thoughts of the kind people who gave to Max’s surgery and care during the first two years of his life.

It is these people who in turn has given me the confidence to take the time, kindly look them in the eye and ask them how they are doing.  It is sometimes this simple recognition – this sharing – that make our human experience … well human.  We are here to support each other. To learn from each other. And to value each other.  This is the greatest gift that we can offer each other and a great lesson to learn and a day like this.

And Max Makes Three

We are so excited to be able to grow our family again.  We are blessed to be able to be bringing Max to his new home in the next few weeks.  Max comes to us after Michelle and I realized we still had room in our hearts.  We just needed that little nudge. In October our agency called and asked us our thoughts of giving this cute, precious little guy a chance to grow with us …

This is one of the first pictures we saw of Max. We knew that sparkle was knowing that Michelle, Alex, Michael and I were waiting for him.

We sent Max a care package that included sending a cake. Looks like he and Michael will be buddies around cake cutting opportunities.